First thing I'd say, I'm sorry. I know its not enough but its the most I can say. You know I love you. I didn't intend to do what I did. I promise it'll never happen again. Friends deserve to know what've did, and I shall relate all that has happened.
I talked to cindy. No. The word 'talked' isn't strong enough. I flirted with cindy. Firstly, I started the conversation.
Me:"how was ur first day?" cindy:"alright, so-so." me:"how come u didn't wear specs today? looks toot." cindy:"tsk, i tot u were going to say pretty or gorgeous." me:"bhb! i'm not going to talk to u anymore." cindy:"hai, can't you say something nice? being in this class is already making me kinda sad." me:"alright alright.. u pretty la."
That was one part. Here's another.
me:"ur CE points finished?" (CE means CCA) cindy:"yea, u should go bazaar, lotsa CE points." me:"there's a talk tmr, i wanna go. SAS, 1 DA, 1DP. i'm asking ppl to go with me." (now when i reflect on this, i want to bury my head in the ground.) cindy:"ask ur best buddy go with u." me:"xy? He wouldn't want to go." cindy:"bribe him?" me:"i'm not rich. the auditorium can hold a 100 students. i wanna go see. why don't you go with me?" cindy:"erm, wad time?" me:"12-1." cindy:"i'm worried abt genomics tmr." me:"nvm, its ok i'll go myself."
I picture myself as a bystander. I read this over and over. The more I read it, the more disgusted I get. I'm not in love with this girl, I feel it was out of pure desperation to find someone to go to the talk with me that I did it at all costs, unembarrassingly hinting cindy to go with me and asking her myself in the end. I'm a disgrace.
I've lied, cheated, backstabbed, what else? I'm disappointed with myself, I don't want to talk to anybody. Maybe I should fast again. Get right with God, then he'll get right with me and bless me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Here, I crucify myself, bringing myself to shame. All these just to say sorry. I owe esther an apology as well. Hope she doesn't hate me.